Archive for the ‘Humour’ Category

Disappearing Comments

Friday, July 17th, 2009

I just did my bi-weekly emptying of my spam folder and it was at 228. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all those in India providing me with hits. I do ask however that you please cease with sending the Viagra advertisements. Just because this site is about beer doesn’t mean I don’t want to keep it as family friendly as possible.

This week the comments have become flat again except for two on friendship bread, and those were about sourdough bread starters. Part of me wonders if buried somewhere in those 228 deleted spam comments there wasn’t a couple legitimate ones. If I have deleted anyone’s comments I apologize. Keep resubmitting until I approve it for the comments. Hopefully. in the mean time India will loose interest in my site and I can get down to just approving comments rather then sorting.

Jesus Christ, Homebrewer?

Wednesday, June 10th, 2009

I figure it’s been a little bit since I’ve offended anyone, and egged on by a pastor friend I figured some blasphemy was in order.

wine-5

I was joking recently with some friends about how there is a book in the bible called Hebrews (pronounced he-brews). After the usual chuckles (people don’t seem to laugh at jokes about the bible) one of my friends pointed out that Jesus turned water into wine also. How could I forget such a detail? Here I was joking about how how God obviously smiled upon brewers since he was one and I’d forgotten the best bit I could have used. So upon arriving at home I became curious how teetotalers explain away this miracle. Apparently Jesus was like many of their mothers and enjoyed making some high quality grape juice for his children. After all we are all children of God. I wonder if God made top shelf PB&J with crinkle cut carrot sticks to go with it also.

Personally I believe Jesus made wine, and can only envy his skills. Can you imagine being able to turn out a batch of alcohol in the course of a wedding reception using only water and clay pots? It takes me a month at the very least for beer, and that doesn’t include bottle conditioning. Not only that, but the pots that held the water for washing feet. Jesus had some serious skills. After all the chief waiter was impressed with the quality. This is guy in charge of making sure the wine is good. And remember, this was Jesus first miracle. Even before he fed 5000 with a couple fish and some bread he made alcohol. Jesus had his priorities right.

So before I click post and am struck down for writing this I leave you with a quote often mis-attributed to Ben Franklin, and some blasphemy from Rowan Atkinson.

Originally posted at http://www.theweeklybrew.com/2009/06/jesus-christ-homebrewer/

“Beer is proof God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
-someone who wasn’t Ben Franklin-

Future Beer Ideas

Thursday, May 21st, 2009

It’s always a bad to get me brainstorming about weird beer ideas. A nice easy conversation about unusual beers has a tendancy to become a nightmare for traditionalist brewers as I debate the idea of black olive, chocolate PB, asparagus, and hay as adjuncts for beer.

Last night one of these conversations began with my friend Dan, and next thing I knew we were throwing out recipe ideas left and right. So for your amusement I thought I’d post a sample of the ideas we came up with. A quick warning though, a few of these have gone into recipe development, so if the idea of butter flavor in beer makes you ill then stop reading now.

Irish Coffee Stout

Irish coffee is a nice sitting by the fire in the evening drink. So with coffee stouts already existing why not try to duplicate the Irish Cream flavor and add it in? This ones in research and recipe development.

French Toast American Wheat

This one is all Dans idea, but it has intrigued me and may go into development phase soon. It would be a mellow American wheat with an ale yeast to eliminate typical banana flavors from traditional wheat beer yeasts. Adjuncts would be vanilla, maple, cinnamon, nutmeg, and butter flavoring. The butter flavor is the thing I keep getting hung up on.

Mocha Porter

I know Rogue has a Mocha Porter, but it just lacks the strength of coffee flavors that I’d like. mine would be a combination of something like Youngers Double Chocolate and some really intense coffee stout with some sweetness and some oatmeal for mouth feel.

Light Roast Irish Red

This is one I’ve had bouncing around for a little bit, but am still uncertain on execution. It would be an Irish Red with a light roast coffee flavor.

A Beer Story

Wednesday, May 13th, 2009

I found out yesterday that my training on autism spectrum disorder is Friday, so it looks like I’ll finish the week with posts that require only the tiniest effort.

This story comes from my 19 yr old brother. 19, and he already has a beer story. I have a feeling he may become a future drinking partner once he turns 21. BTW I under no circumstances support underage drinking. I believe drinking should be something done responsibly. If you drink, make sure you don’t drink alot, and if you do drink too much then find a designated driver. BTW if anyone knows a dedicated rider that can pedal my posterior home then let me know. 🙂

Anyway,

Let me set the scene for you. There are three of us standing around a table at my cousins wedding reception, my two brothers and myself. There are like three kegs and a bar full of rum for the occasion. My brothers and I are under 21, so we are relegated to sitting and watching the drunken antics of our relatives. The table next too us is completely covered in half full cups of beer. Got the scene?

For the first 20 min my cousins friends spent their time attempting to polish off as much alcohol as they could in as short amount of time as possible. This led to a night of amusing antics where it was more fun to be sober then drinking. One of the guys who was drinking had quickly taken to my brother. Not in a funky way, but whenever he had a question it was my brother he asked. With an honest face, and being one of a handful of sober people at the party I’m sure he looked trustworthy. This guy though couldn’t have known if something was trustworthy even if it slapped him in the face. He was that drunk. So after several hours in he comes stumbling up to my brother and asks, “Hey, which of these beers is mine?” My brother proceeded to point to one on the table. A few minutes later the guy showed up again, and again he wanted to know which beer was his, and again my brother pointed to a beer on the table. After this had happened several times I went up to my brother to find out what was going on. It was then that he admitted that he had no clue which beer was that guys, but figured he’d see if he could get the guy to clear the table of cups.

Sure enough that guy kept coming back, and sure enough my brother pointed to another beer on the table. By the end of the night a good portion of the table had been cleared by this one guy alone. Needless to say when his wife saw how shit faced he was she wasn’t happy. I must say though that she shouldn’t consider it a total loss. After all, us three guys received tons of entertainment from him alone that night, not to mention all the other entertaining things that happened that night.

Top 10 Signs You’re A Beer Snob

Wednesday, March 18th, 2009

beer-snob

1  Your wife thought you were too pretentious and left you for a wine snob

2  You spend so much time sniffing the beer that it looks like your trying to drink through your nose

3  You believe that Europe is the only place good beer comes from

4  You actually enjoy drinking beer from Dogfish Head

5  You’ve never bought a six pack for less then $12

6  When the beer at a party costs less then a days wages you sit and pout, then spend the rest of the night lamenting that this kind of thing would never happen in Europe

7  Even official beer judges envy your ability to write a book on your opinion for every single beer you try

8  You don’t drink anything that isn’t thick enough to float a quarter on

9  You mortgaged your home so you can afford beer for the month

10  You go to a resteraunt and order wine because the only thing they have that comes close to your definition of beer is Blue Moon