Jesus Christ, Homebrewer?

I figure it’s been a little bit since I’ve offended anyone, and egged on by a pastor friend I figured some blasphemy was in order.


I was joking recently with some friends about how there is a book in the bible called Hebrews (pronounced he-brews). After the usual chuckles (people don’t seem to laugh at jokes about the bible) one of my friends pointed out that Jesus turned water into wine also. How could I forget such a detail? Here I was joking about how how God obviously smiled upon brewers since he was one and I’d forgotten the best bit I could have used. So upon arriving at home I became curious how teetotalers explain away this miracle. Apparently Jesus was like many of their mothers and enjoyed making some high quality grape juice for his children. After all we are all children of God. I wonder if God made top shelf PB&J with crinkle cut carrot sticks to go with it also.

Personally I believe Jesus made wine, and can only envy his skills. Can you imagine being able to turn out a batch of alcohol in the course of a wedding reception using only water and clay pots? It takes me a month at the very least for beer, and that doesn’t include bottle conditioning. Not only that, but the pots that held the water for washing feet. Jesus had some serious skills. After all the chief waiter was impressed with the quality. This is guy in charge of making sure the wine is good. And remember, this was Jesus first miracle. Even before he fed 5000 with a couple fish and some bread he made alcohol. Jesus had his priorities right.

So before I click post and am struck down for writing this I leave you with a quote often mis-attributed to Ben Franklin, and some blasphemy from Rowan Atkinson.

Originally posted at

“Beer is proof God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
-someone who wasn’t Ben Franklin-

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One Response to “Jesus Christ, Homebrewer?”

  1. Jesus Christ says:

    Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord. Jesus Christ

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